You and I
by imkikyo
Summary: BalmungxReki, oneshot, Reki's point of view, rated for minor swearing. It's been so many years since Reki and Balmung started working together, but the courage to confess still doesn't come easily.


Nine in the morning. I stumble into work, coffee in hand.

You're lying on your desk, asleep. I can't help but sigh and whisper "Sir, you always try too hard."

After depositing my things in my cubicle, I return to your office.

Since I'm your assistant, no one asks why I'm here, watching you as you sleep peacefully. I gaze at your unconscious form, my eyes unfocused but still able to take in every one of your beautiful details.

I rake my eyes through your hair, imagining I'm using my fingers instead. I'd love to touch it so much, but I know you'd never let me. We've been working together for so long, and it'd be very unprofessional for us to start a relationship. Besides, I can tell from your actions that you're somewhat attached to me, but you aren't gay. You would never feel the same for me as I do for you.

My imagination starts taking over my vision, creating an image of your beautiful face right next to mine, and even when I'm aware of the real world, your hair looks silver and shoulder-length, and I can almost see a pair of wings sprouting out of your strong back.

It hurts me to see you like this, collapsed on your desk, exhausted from working too long. I hate it when you sleep at the office. Every time you do this, I wonder how much more time you have before you get yourself a room in the hospital.

I'm still staring softly at you, filling my consciousness with the sight of you when Shibayama walks in and glares at me. I assume she won't yell at me only because it would wake you up, and I quickly leave before she decides you're a heavy sleeper.

Of course, how could I have forgotten you're dating Shibayama? It's so obvious you don't love her, and I can't imagine her having any feeling for anyone other than Kazushi. Ever since you started going out with her, you've been in worse shape than normal. I wish I could do something to stop you from hurting yourself, but you're the one who has authority over me, not the other way around.

I return to my desk and log in to "The World," hoping Shibayama's woken you up and you're logging in as well. I know you better than to think you'll let anyone stop you from playing "The World," so if you're awake, I can safely assume you're online. Just as I thought, when I send you a message, you reply. I read the words several times, as though I would hear your voice if I read them long enough.

You're so predictable. I find you in the Administration Room, the first place I try. You're looking up files, and even though it doesn't show in the game, I can tell you're barely awake and feeling guilty for falling asleep while you were trying to work.

"Good morning, Sir," I say hesitantly. You notice my tone of voice and your slight frown deepens a bit. You know me as well as I do you, and you can sense that there's something bothering me. "Don't call me that," you tell me. "Just call me 'Balmung'. I don't care what upper management says; we've been working together long enough that we're equals now, even though I have more power than you."

I can hardly believe what I hear. Finally, we're equals, and I'm almost afraid to address you by your name. It's a sacred word to me, one that doesn't deserve to come off of my lips. Nevertheless, it's your request, and I've promised to always honor your requests, whether it's about work or not.

You're saying something to me, but I'm so lost in "Balmung's" beauty that I don't notice. When I finally realize you're talking to me, I jump, blush, and apologize profusely for not paying attention. It's all wasted effort, though, because you have the power to silence me with one look that clearly says "Don't worry about it."

You have more control over me than you think, and I'm sure you've known that for a while. Leaving me to finish programming a new monster, you log out. I tell myself you're going to have lunch, but I know you're going to a different server to meet up with Kamui. Sure enough, a few seconds later I see you online again, this time on her server.

Why do you waste your time with her? There's no way you don't also see that she only hurts you. You deserve to be in the arms of someone who will promise to love you forever, not that hot-tempered bitch. I start describing to myself the kind of person that would be perfect for you, then abruptly stop as I realize I'm talking about me.

For what seems like the millionth time, I scold myself for letting my feelings toward you overcome me. I tell myself over and over again that it'll never happen, even though inside I don't want to believe it. I just can't let myself think I have a chance with you, because when I realize I don't, the pain will be more than I can take.

Finally, I'm finished with all the work you've piled on me. Even though, from the point of view of someone else, you overwork me, I don't mind. I'd do anything for you, no matter what.

You re-enter the Administration Room. Funny, I didn't notice you'd logged out of Kamui's server. Paying almost no attention to me, you immediately start to work on some job you hadn't yet finished. I assume Kamui told you to quit slacking.

There was no point to it, but I couldn't help but feel sorry for you. You bend over backwards for that woman who doesn't love you at all. She's just using you. I don't know how to get you away from her in a way that doesn't reveal my true intentions; I want to be with you, no matter how unrealistic that is.

In fact, you're just as devoted to her as I am to you.

Your hair looks a little messed up, as I watch you longingly. It reminds me very much of your hair in the real world in that it reflects your mood. Right now, I can tell just by looking at it that you're stressed out, unhappy, maybe even depressed. I can tell you need more in your life, and I can tell that Kamui isn't filling that void. Your wings are twitching slightly, as if to say "Leave me alone... please..."

But I can't leave you alone. I often can't control my feelings, particularly my feelings for you.

I do my best not to bring myself to your attention, since you seem to be concentrating on work, for once. Still watching you in all your beauty, I notice that you're in a hurry. Probably rushing to finish some work before going on a date with that bitch.

My prediction comes true as you log out without a word to me, and I see Kamui log out as well. "Go have… fun… on your date… 'Balmung'," I mumble bitterly, before logging "Reki" out.

End of the work day. I stumble back out and walk the five blocks to my apartment. Today was nothing special, just another day of staring at you while firmly telling myself I can't have you. Why, then, did I feel more depressed than usual? My headache is starting to come back too, or maybe I just didn't notice it while I was watching you.

There's a message on my machine when I get home. It's from you. My throbbing head soars into the clouds for a few seconds while I listen to your voice. It's the only painkiller I'll ever need, and I can't get enough of it, but ever since you started seeing Shibayama, you've been giving me less and less of that beautiful sound I crave so much.

On the message you've spoken seven words. "Meet me in Delta: Murmuring, Night, Alchemy." Having left a message on my home phone, you must know I've got "The World" installed on my private computer. I thank CC Corp that I wasn't put into a different division, because that could have meant I wouldn't be allowed to log in from my own computer or have a separate account.

The separate account I wasn't worried about, since most people didn't recognize me, and I only played for personal reasons after work hours, when all the system administrators had already gone home. Except for you and Shibayama; ever since Kazushi left, you two have been the only administrators who sleep at the office and frequently pull all-nighters. It discomforts me, really, to think that you and that bitch are often alone together in a huge office building, but most of the time I can trust you.

I didn't see the harm in meeting you online. Even if you were going to talk about Shibayama, like you had started doing recently, I figured I should at least be there so you have someone to talk to.

Logging in as Reki, I set off for Delta: Murmuring, Night, Alchemy. When I get there, I immediately see you standing near where I warped in. The sky in this field is pure azure, and it makes your features look even more angelic and perfect than they do in the daylight.

You take my hand and lead me to a secluded spot, far away from the other players. Looking more carefully at the place you've taken me, I realize it's a special section of the area that you've just programmed and haven't opened to normal players.

You finally stop, and before I can ask why you wanted to meet me, you pull my face toward yours and gently kiss me. I want to believe this is real, but I just can't. How can I be sure I didn't fall asleep as soon as I got home? How can I know this isn't a dream?

Just in case this isn't, I try to pull away, but you've still got my head in your hands. You break the kiss and look at me apologetically. "I'm sorry," you say, "I just... I've needed to do that for a while."

I still can't believe this. I take a step backwards, away from you, so that I don't get tempted to do anything rash. You take it the wrong way, however, which I realize as soon as I see the small frown cross your face. You think I don't want you, but you don't know how wrong you are.

"Forgive me," you say. Your voice is shaking, and for the first time ever, I can tell you're crying. I've never had to comfort a crying friend before, but I remember all the times I've been comforted while I cried. I'm much shorter than you, but still I manage to wrap my arms tightly around you. Your sobs pause as you look down at me, clinging to your waist, like a little girl to her mother. I give a start as I feel your strong arms snake around my back, and your armored hands clasp together at the end.

I can still hear your irregular breathing. It tells me you're still crying, and I hold you tighter still. Somehow, I feel a tear fall down onto the top of my head. Somehow, I get the feeling that what you were so hurriedly working on earlier was a program to make "The World" more real, just for us. And somehow, I understand why. You were planning this.

"How did you know I-" I began, but you cut me off with that voice I can never refuse.

"Reki, do you want to be with me?" you ask.

"I... of course I do."

"For so long, I've loved you. I tried to put it out of my mind, though. I started dating Saki because I thought it would keep my thoughts away from you. I was wrong, though. All she ever talks about is her precious Watarai; it's so painfully obvious she has no interest in me. I treat her like I've wanted to treat you for so long, even though I've always known nothing good will come of it."

I can barely understand what you're saying. The pure sound of your voice enters my ears, and from that point on, all I know is that I want us to be together.

"Reki, I..." You don't have to say it. I know exactly what you mean.

"I love you, too."

Your tear-streaked face comes back to the front of my vision as you lean in for another kiss. This time, I don't hesitate at all, and when I feel your tongue at my lips, I part them to allow you inside. You've certainly done a good job making "The World" as much like the real world as possible. I can feel a shiver going up my spine as you explore my mouth, but the sensation isn't quite the same. I can't really tell what's causing it, but I suppose that's what the visual is for.

You slowly pull away and gaze at me for a little while. I stare at you too, drinking in your deep purple eyes, your flawless complexion and your elegant hair. An armored thumb traces the blue streak under my left eye, and I gasp a little. A small smile graces your lips, and we both know only you can draw that sound from me.

I can't resist anymore. My hands find their way into your soft hair. Pure silver strands wrap themselves around my fingers. You smile at me and your hair seems to release me. I bring them down to your face, drag them down your neck, and place them around your waist.

Those strong arms wrap around me again. I look up and open my mouth, but you say "Don't. Don't say anything. Let's just enjoy this." Even if it hadn't been you who spoke the words, I certainly had no objections to that. For a while, we stand there in a firm, loving embrace. My heart is racing, and somehow, I can feel your heart. It's beating fast too. I press my head to it, and eventually, I feel it calm down, as well as my own.

I don't want it to end, but I know it has to. You speak, and I can feel your chest vibrate with the deep words. "I know 'Reki' loves me," you say teasingly, "but does 'Satoshi Fujio' love me?"I don't need a word of explanation. Both of us log out at the same time. I know where you live; I've been there a couple times. Fortunately for both of us, I already knew it was going to take me less than five minutes to get there.

Now was the time. It was time to experience that sensation for real.


End file.
